I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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