his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
