I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
