Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
