he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
