Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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