so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
