just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
