I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
FUCK WHALES
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
