i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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