Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
this will be a night to untag.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
