I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
