Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
