So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We're too hungover to prance.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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