I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
