i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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