im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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