I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
