i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
