the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Pants are for mortals
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
