i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
