My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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