Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
