Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
