Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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