Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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