Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
