Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
