Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
