It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
