Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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