Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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