new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
