wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
