Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
