I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
