Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
