You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
3pm strippers are depressing
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
