I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
