Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
