I skipped work to stalk him.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
