Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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