You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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