Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
