Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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