Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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