guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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