I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
