i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
