girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
