He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
