Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she woke up with a sticky ear
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
