Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
