genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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