youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
