I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
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they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So much rum. So many feels.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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