My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You know, be my cock's hype man.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
