no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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