But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
