apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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