Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
