We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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